Bruh!!!!!!!!

 Well... it's 2025, wow. 

I completely forgot about this blog, unfortunately. It would've been so great to record my thoughts throughout these years after grief. Pandemics was shit, life was shit, uni was shit... still is.

I'm trying my best to keep my head above the water and breathe, faking until I make it, but it's hard... and it's extra hard since I don't have any close friends at uni...... like AT ALL. That's so sad, I've been in this spot for 3 whole years and not a single friend, not one soul (and yes, I've tried my best to make small talk, was friendly to a lot of people, tried to get in some friend groups, etc. None of my poor tatics worked, as expected but at least I tried.

It's now mid february, my mom moved in with me... or we moved together? Since I don't own the place.... huh. The apt is hella small, but decent. However, even here there's not one even young person on this building to make friends or chit chat with, marjority of the residents are retired old men. My mom is apparently enjoying making new friends, good for her.

Since I failed in making friends in uni, I'm trying other places: Tinder (yeah...) and random TTRPG groups. A while back when I was working at the campus library I came across a QR code of a group of people who wants to join or start a campaign. I hope it goes well, it starts in a couple weeks.

I also decided to go to parties and go back on losing weight... I'm back at 83kg or so, feeling fat AS FUCK, my hair sucks, my health sucks, my skin... fuck!!!!!!! Trying my best to become who I want to be physically.... intellectually I'm not sure anymore, I feel like giving it all up all the time, but at the same time I know it's crazy and irresponsible, but... is it really? I don't know. I feel like I'm just floating and not grabbing anything to save myself, looks right, looks like progression - it just feels weird, I feel lost.